Unlocking Charisma: The Secret to Better Leadership with Milam Miller, founder & CEO at Be Confident and Kind

[00:00:02] Hey everyone, welcome back to the Outcomes Rocket Founder Stories. So thrilled that you joined us again and we're grateful. We're grateful that you're downloading with us because every day we show up with an amazing leader and founder and today is no exception. I have the privilege of hosting Milam Miller. He is a former senior leader in sports. He's actually been described as the real life

[00:00:31] Ted Lasso as a result of his tireless work in European football where he managed and coached up a cross-cultural sales team that generated in excess of $50 million annually. Following his love for people and human development, Milam launched his own leadership development practice that's called Be Confident and Kind and it's a movement to build a better future of work. He's a corporate trainer, an expert on soft skills, and his mission is to be confident and kind. He's a movement to build a better future of work. He's a corporate trainer, an expert on soft skills, and his mission is to build a better future of work.

[00:01:03] He's a io-level program with his馀ity to be dele, he's a depart Pakistan, an expert in roller sociocistencies, an expert on soft skills, cut totality, and his doctor scrat immortality, an expert on soft skills and 90th aplications. He's based on the public peril身 and strengthorer, an expert on how he can grow up on hisㅋㅋ on Solom. He wins four mistakes and ends on and animating the block on脸 않을 craft. Again, a wisdom. It's called The Charisma Craft, How Anyone Can Become a Magnetic Leader. You're not going to want to miss this. So, Milam, such a pleasure to have you here.

[00:01:30] Thank you, Saul. It's good to be here with you today.

[00:01:32] Hey, man. It's my pleasure to host you. We're going to be covering the topic of charisma today,

[00:01:37] how people misunderstand it, and how everyone listening can use it to become better leaders

[00:01:44] with internal teams and external clients and prospects. But before we do that,

[00:01:50] Mylam, I'd love for you to tell us a little bit about you. Tell us your story. Why did you decide

[00:01:55] to get into entrepreneurship and the things that you do? Sure. Happy to share a little bit about my

[00:02:01] background. So I am originally from the great state of Texas, and I grew up knowing one type

[00:02:06] of religion, and that was football. And my grandfather, he was on the 1948 state championship

[00:02:13] football team before there were a variety of 1A, 2A, 3A, 4A, I think we're up to like 6A now,

[00:02:20] size schools. And so I'm a massive Dallas Cowboys fan for any listeners out there.

[00:02:25] And I thought that someday I would go work in professional sports, predominantly football,

[00:02:30] NFL. What I didn't know is that actually I would go abroad and work in the other kind of football.

[00:02:36] European football.

[00:02:37] That's right. European football, also known as soccer here in the US. And it really opened my eyes to

[00:02:44] people from different cultures, the way in which we work, the way in which we interact,

[00:02:48] neuro-linguistic programming, what we say versus how it's processed in somebody else's brain.

[00:02:52] So I just became more fascinated with human connection as a construct and how leaders can

[00:02:58] help us connect in the workplace. Hey, man, that's really great. And so

[00:03:02] from coaching a team, and so tell us a little bit more about the sort of 50 million there. I mean,

[00:03:09] that sort of got my attention. You were managing a team, but also growing a business.

[00:03:15] Yeah. Well, I wish I could say that my first foray now into entrepreneurship, I'm driving as

[00:03:22] much revenue as those numbers. But unfortunately, I don't have the logo of a professional sports team

[00:03:26] behind my name anymore. So I'm learning and that's the beauty of entrepreneurship.

[00:03:31] My role specifically, Saul, was on the commercial side of the business. So think all revenue generating

[00:03:35] activities. I love it. Yeah.

[00:03:37] In sports, we typically get that through media rights, through sponsorship,

[00:03:41] through ticketing and e-commerce or merchandise. I really sat predominantly in the sponsorship

[00:03:46] vertical. In a past life, I had activated sponsorships, then I went and sold them.

[00:03:51] But really, when I went to work for this team owner, they had an even larger vision than just

[00:03:55] securing corporate sponsors. It was building a modern day stadium and bringing best in class

[00:04:01] programming to it. So I tell everyone I've lived a lot of lives and I learned so much on that

[00:04:06] project because it really was a real estate project. How do we have sports and entertainment,

[00:04:11] an office park, and then a conjoining entertainment district to drive Monday through Friday and

[00:04:16] Saturday, Sunday foot traffic. I say all of that because the team I led, we were responsible for

[00:04:21] finding founding partners of that, sponsors for the team. When I left the sports world, I thought,

[00:04:27] what do I want to do and how am I going to generate revenue? So my journey has been really

[00:04:31] one of a roller coaster. I've consulted, I've done fractional work in business development and sales,

[00:04:37] creating strategies, going to market. And ultimately though, every time I got on a project,

[00:04:44] everyone saw my care for the team and they said, we want you to come in and coach up the leaders in

[00:04:48] the teams. So that's how my practice has evolved. And be confident in kind was very much like a

[00:04:53] personal mantra that I thought was really cheesy, really corny, very Ted Lasso in a lot of ways.

[00:04:58] But it's the first question everyone asked me when I launched the business 1.0, which was BCK

[00:05:03] Consulting. What does BCK mean? So that's how we got here. And I'm very excited to see what happens

[00:05:09] next once the book is out in the world. That's awesome. Now, I appreciate the history and sort

[00:05:13] of where you cut your teeth to where you're at now. You've been a speaker and you've served

[00:05:19] companies like Uber, McDonald's, McKinsey, New York Times, Amazon, the list goes on and on.

[00:05:26] So you're tried and true. You're doing great work out there. Let's jump into this topic of charisma.

[00:05:32] We have a lot of ideas. Many people think they know, but what exactly is it?

[00:05:37] Yeah. Okay. So charisma to bottom line, it is connection. We think charisma is to charm. We think

[00:05:43] it's to captivate. But whenever we peel back the layers of the onion, we actually realize it's something

[00:05:48] much deeper. In 2023, the word of the year was Riz, which is Gen Z slang for the ability to attract a

[00:05:55] romantic partner, to charm them, to Riz them up. And I found that really clever. I found it really,

[00:06:02] in some ways, endearing. I'm married. I have a child. At one point in my life, I might have had Riz.

[00:06:08] I probably don't have their definition of it anymore. But I got to thinking, if we got back to

[00:06:13] the root word of charisma, what does it really mean? And I tell everyone, it is not that one-way

[00:06:18] attraction that we were taught. Oh, I see the good speaker up on the stage or the politician who's

[00:06:23] suave and slick. Actually, the most charismatic individuals and especially leaders in the workplace,

[00:06:28] they're not looking for that one-way attraction. They're actually deepening two-way connection.

[00:06:33] That's really interesting. By the way, like Riz, this is the first time I'm hearing it.

[00:06:40] Is that right? Okay. Well, it's not just to attract a romantic partner. They've talked about

[00:06:45] how Riz can serve you in any workplace, how it can increase your influence, which is a workshop

[00:06:50] topic I talk a lot on. It's a body of work I've delivered at Amazon. You mentioned some of my other

[00:06:55] corporate clients. Influence is not intended to manipulate or coerce people. It's intended to

[00:07:01] help somebody drive an opinion, but also deploy tools such as active listening to better understand

[00:07:07] what the other party needs. So there's a lot of deployment of creativity and problem solving

[00:07:12] and people that are eloquent or can communicate a thought and learn how to integrate other people's

[00:07:17] ideas. Those are the ones who typically drive the most influence and therefore deemed more charismatic

[00:07:22] or having more Riz in the workplace.

[00:07:25] How about you guys? You guys and gals got Riz out there? Time to think about this. And we're going to

[00:07:31] make this a very practical podcast today because we're going to talk about the fundamentals, the nuts

[00:07:37] and bolts of making this happen. So why do we misunderstand it?

[00:07:42] So the construct of charismatic leadership was initially created by a German sociologist by the

[00:07:49] name of Max Weber. And effectively, it was that one way attraction. What we see now in the age of

[00:07:56] influencers, right, on social media and false likes is that we can quickly fall out of favor with someone

[00:08:02] if they don't match up with our core ideologies or values. And we're really lacking a lot of human curiosity

[00:08:09] and empathy. So I always say in this age of artificial intelligence, which is great, the tool can help a lot

[00:08:14] of us, a lot of industries. There's no denying it. What is lacking or I suppose what the human element can

[00:08:20] add is the emotional intelligence piece and the humanity piece. And that's why charisma is misunderstood

[00:08:27] is because we think it's like, oh, I just am attracted to someone when really we have to deploy the human

[00:08:32] curiosity, the human emotional intelligence to feel bonded and connected to another party.

[00:08:37] It's a two way street. It's not just one way. And so how can you use this skill of charisma or your level of Riz

[00:08:46] experiences to better connect with internal teams? Sure. Before I go there, I want to provide like an overarching

[00:08:53] framework for listeners that I think will help them remember this new definition of charisma as human

[00:08:58] connection. So I realize a lot of the listeners out there are in the healthcare field. And I imagine many, if not all

[00:09:06] of them know what an AED machine is, right? When your heart goes into AFib, if you've ever taken a CPR class, you know that

[00:09:13] an AED machine, if you have it at your disposal, will tell you exactly what you need to do. You just turn it on.

[00:09:18] It clearly outlines the steps. Stand back, you know. So that is what my book will provide. And AED in my book

[00:09:26] stands for Access, Embody, and Deploy. So what listeners need to consider is accessing this new

[00:09:32] definition of charisma, that it is not an inborn personality trait, but rather it's a social skill.

[00:09:37] You can then embody it. And embodiment requires practice. It requires refinement. I call upon allies

[00:09:44] if I'm in a situation that maybe is new or uncomfortable. So Ted Lasso, for example, if I'm

[00:09:49] going into a big meeting where maybe I feel like an imposter and I don't belong, I can embody his

[00:09:55] enthusiasm or his zest and call upon him to be more charismatic. And then finally, there's the deployment

[00:10:02] piece. And this is where there's a lot of tactical tools, tips, and techniques that help you

[00:10:07] better connect with other people. Brings it full circle back to accessing that definition

[00:10:11] of charisma being connection.

[00:10:13] So give it to us again. Access, embody, deploy?

[00:10:17] That's right. You got it.

[00:10:19] Love it.

[00:10:19] It's a really great framework. And so I like this embody concept of, for you, it's Ted Lasso,

[00:10:26] but how can people think about this practically in their day-to-day? Maybe they got a meeting with

[00:10:32] their board or maybe they're going to go talk to some new venture capitalists on raising funds for

[00:10:38] their company. Where can they find reference inspirations? Like, what do you recommend there?

[00:10:44] Totally. So I'm a, I'm a trained professional coach and we talk a lot about the use of allies

[00:10:49] and an ally can be anyone or anything. For a lot of my male clientele that are in competitive sales

[00:10:55] roles, it's embodying a Mamba mentality. I want to go out and compete like Kobe Bryant.

[00:11:00] To use your example, if it's pitching a board or asking for investment from investors, maybe it's

[00:11:06] trying to think of somebody brave or bold, like give a female example. It might be Lizzo, right?

[00:11:11] Like Lizzo is a great example of someone who's like shamelessly or maybe not even shamelessly,

[00:11:15] let's say confidently herself, right? And so you want to walk in that room and confidently give

[00:11:20] that pitch. I use a lot of pop culture references, but it could be anyone in your life. For example,

[00:11:24] my grandfather passed away this year. He was a used car salesman. A lot of people have

[00:11:28] preconceived notions of like used car salesmen. They're sleazy, they're slimy. My grandfather was

[00:11:33] the furthest thing from that. He knew how to connect with people. And I say that the reason he was so

[00:11:37] successful in running a used car lot for so many years is because he knew what his customers wanted.

[00:11:43] He could mash them with a car that met their needs. So instead of trying to push something on them,

[00:11:47] like they say they want an SUV and you're like, I've got this great sedan. You actually go out and find

[00:11:52] the car that they want and need. I love that. That's a really great thing. I'm going to have

[00:11:55] to think about what I do for my allies. I really like this idea a lot, Milam. Thank you for it.

[00:12:02] You're welcome. And so that's internal, right? We're kind of highlighting internal use of it to help

[00:12:07] with our teams to inspire them. We mentioned some of these external situations. How can we use it for

[00:12:13] sales and customer retention? So a lot of my work in this world is inspired by Dale Carnegie,

[00:12:19] how to win friends and influence people. And again, in this age of misunderstanding influence

[00:12:25] with a lot of influencers out there, and that's not to point the finger and say that they're bad.

[00:12:30] Gen Z actually finds them more credible than brand spokespeople. But the point is this,

[00:12:35] oftentimes when deals break down or we're ineffective in sales, it's because we're missing

[00:12:41] that human connection component. So a really simple framework that I like to use, it's more of a

[00:12:46] technique. It's an active listening tool and it's called engage your ENT. Or in other words,

[00:12:51] call your ENT, your ear, nose and throat specialist. I had an ear, nose and throat doctor way back when.

[00:12:56] I had a lot of tonsillitis and other issues, deviated septum. And basically it's simple.

[00:13:00] If you are in a sales pitch, be very mindful of your body language. What is it communicating to them?

[00:13:06] And so what ENT stands for is engage between the eyes. I can't look at both of your eyeballs at the

[00:13:11] same time, Saul. So I'm looking at third eye center. ENT stands for nod moderately from the nose.

[00:13:17] I've been in meetings before where clients are, I should say, coworkers are nervous. We're in a pitch

[00:13:21] together and they're just nodding incessantly and just like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And like a very eager,

[00:13:26] happy dog. And we really want to temper that. We really want to showcase that we're confident

[00:13:30] and we're calm. In other words, cool, calm, collected. And then finally, trade smiles.

[00:13:35] The number one indicator the first time you meet somebody is, do they seem kind? Do they radiate

[00:13:41] warmth? And a smile is a universal symbol for something that's non-threatening. So I always

[00:13:48] say trade smiles and sounds from the throat. We find this day and age, we're quick to cut one

[00:13:53] another off or we're thinking about what we want to say instead of actually listening to them. So a

[00:13:57] simple, hmm, ah, you know, and so you're not really opening your mouth, but you're smiling,

[00:14:02] you're trading smiles when they are, and you're starting to warm up to each other. That's what

[00:14:05] charisma is. It's a social skill like preheating an oven where you're warming up and truly listening

[00:14:10] to better understand what it is the other party wants or needs. I love this, Milam, these small

[00:14:16] nuances that create connection. And the ENT is a really kind of, especially for our healthcare

[00:14:24] audience, right? That's right.

[00:14:27] Is a really great one. So that's really great. The E for engage. And I love the thing that you

[00:14:31] said about third eye, like look right here. I love the nose because that's something that

[00:14:39] once you mentioned it, I started thinking about, and I feel like I tend to kind of do this more.

[00:14:44] So I love the idea of having a more even keel kind of a mature professional, Hey, we're peers

[00:14:52] in this together type of deal versus very excited. I think that could be really good. And finally,

[00:15:00] as you started chatting about the throat, I realized that I do that when I connect with people,

[00:15:06] you know, like that kind of, it's just sort of like things that I'm not aware of that are kind of

[00:15:13] just behind the scenes or playing in the background. You're bringing them to the foreground to create

[00:15:20] more intentionality.

[00:15:21] That's right. And mindfulness and mindfulness. These things aren't rocket science, but the

[00:15:25] research shows that they actually matter. And so we're heightening our mindfulness as leaders.

[00:15:30] And like you said, leading from a place of intentionality, because unfortunately for better

[00:15:34] or worse, what is modeled for us by leaders gets repeated. And so there's a lot of cycles that in the

[00:15:41] future of work, we're trying to break as we're constantly distracted. We invest a lot in

[00:15:45] connectivity tools. We're on Slack channels, we're chatting people, but sometimes we forget these

[00:15:50] critical human connection skills.

[00:15:52] That's fantastic. Milam, in such a short time, you have added so much value. I would hit rewind,

[00:16:00] folks, take some notes on this, grab the transcript, make it yours, take action. If you're leading an

[00:16:06] organization and you're looking for somebody to come inspire your crew, but maybe inspiration isn't

[00:16:13] enough. You want to make it ongoing. Milam is your person. He's doing incredible work. I would

[00:16:19] encourage you that you check out our show notes. We're going to leave ways to connect with him,

[00:16:23] but not before we give him a chance to leave us a call to action and things that we should be

[00:16:28] thinking about. So Milam, give us what we should be thinking about as far as a close for our chat today.

[00:16:33] Sure. I'll give you all one more technique. It's very simple. And the bottom line is details

[00:16:39] matter. Details matter. Remember the small things. And I think, especially in the healthcare industry

[00:16:45] where bedside manner can be a determining factor in your healthcare provider choice or what have you,

[00:16:51] one framework that has been really powerful for my clients is called CPR. And whenever you need help,

[00:16:58] whenever you need help, like a help, universal sign of choking CPR, you can come to a friend or

[00:17:04] colleague's rescue when they forget a critical detail. The sweetest sound to anyone, this is Adele Carnegie

[00:17:09] quote, is their name. It could be their name or details about their family. So what I would suggest

[00:17:14] is you do this. C, you connect it, connect their name to something that's memorable. Milam, the

[00:17:20] millennial who runs marathons. You can tell there's alliteration here. You must pronounce it. Ask Saul,

[00:17:26] is this how you pronounce your name? Do you prefer a different pronunciation? And then finally repeat it.

[00:17:31] Repetition, repetition, repetition. So whenever we encounter a prospect or, and we want to retain them

[00:17:39] client or whenever we're doing something to grow our influence internally in the workplace,

[00:17:43] remember those small details, connect the details to something, pronounce it if it's a foreign concept,

[00:17:48] and then repeat it, repeat it, repeat it. You can also put it in whatever note-taking tool you have.

[00:17:53] If you have a notion board, a phone app, maybe even in your address book in the context,

[00:17:57] but these things go a long way in making people feel seen, heard, and validated.

[00:18:02] That's great, Milam. And what was, sorry, so connect and repeat, what was the P?

[00:18:07] Pronounce, and that's specifically for names. Yeah. But it could be a foreign concept. It could be a

[00:18:11] hometown, any detail that will help you remember the person. Yeah. That's pretty cool, man. I love

[00:18:17] that. By the way, with all of these healthcare acronyms that you have, I mean, AED, ENT, CPR,

[00:18:26] like we got to get you to more healthcare businesses, my friend. So I'm glad that you're

[00:18:30] here with us today. Many of the acronyms that you've shared will resonate with our audience.

[00:18:37] The very practical tips you're leaving us with, hey, let's walk away with it. My challenge to all

[00:18:42] of you listening and watching this is use it. So pick one thing that Milam shared with you and use

[00:18:50] it. And if it makes a difference for you in your life, go back to the show note, save it in your

[00:18:55] board or save it somewhere and give Milam a ring or an email and let him know I made a difference

[00:19:02] and have him come into your organization to make a big difference because that's where the ripple

[00:19:07] effect happens and the amazing momentum occurs. So I want to thank everybody for tuning in to our

[00:19:14] podcast with Milam Miller, an incredible leader in this space and the CEO of Be Confident and Kind.

[00:19:24] Milam, thank you so much for being with us. This has been an incredible pleasure.

[00:19:29] Thank you, Saul. It was fun.